conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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