we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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