He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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