make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
