wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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