everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
