I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
