if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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