I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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