Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I need a beard to bite.
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