I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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