the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Blood and glitter go together right?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
