the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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