There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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