I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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