Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
