I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she told me i tasted like america
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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