My room smells like vodka and shame
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
