The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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