ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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