the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
