I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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