how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
