what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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