I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
