if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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