Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
