Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
