some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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