Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
