Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
