With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
as a side note pls kill me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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