If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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