I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
