i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
