only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
