Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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