why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I see more hoeing in ur future
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
