I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
