He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
