oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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