i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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