What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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