Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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