speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
