dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
