my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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