I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
