Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
