Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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