when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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