Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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