you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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