He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
