my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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