I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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