mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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