Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
why do cheetos always look like penises
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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