1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
