I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I AM VODKA MAN
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
