when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
