Sponge bath it is.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
