I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
