why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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