I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
