he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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