Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
