matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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