He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
