Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Let's get the cat blown out
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
