Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
