Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
